I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
