Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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