Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
