oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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