yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
