I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
