I got chris browned last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
