good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
