this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
