so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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