And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
