i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
