She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
