White coat. Heels.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
