I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
