mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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