after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
