she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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