at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
