her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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