I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
