Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just cropdusted the office
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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