Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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