I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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