If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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