Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I look better un-naked...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
