I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
