so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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