nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
