porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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