I wannas sexs uuuuu
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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