I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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