I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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