Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
