I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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