That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I FOUND THE LEGS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
