as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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