dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
