we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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