I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
