HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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