Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize