Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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