Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
