I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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