I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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