its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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