This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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