My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
