remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
