All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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