when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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