the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
