omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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