you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
