Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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