That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
