I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
