You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
