Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
