One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
