The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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