Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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