so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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