remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
