My first STD was from a foam party
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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