if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
