After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
