And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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